47 Ronin (2013) ...or Sidelong Glances, the Movie
- I don't want to
mock cultures I am unfamiliar with, but I will. I had no idea Snoopy hats were trendy in Japan.
- I like
to cite the 1980s as the shoulder pad era of fashion…
...but this guy took shoulder
pads to a magnificent pointy high. It was as if he forced a butterfly
collar from the 70s into an unholy union with shoulder pads from the
80s, and then harvested their litter of children for his wardrobe.
- Part-time guard...
...part-time
Christmas tree topper.
- I was surprised to see
the Hulk make
a guest appearance.
- “When a wrong isn't avenged, the heavens look down on us with
shame.” I'm okay with that. I'm not going risk my ass
perpetuating death and misery to make the heavens happy. Screw the
heavens.
- “Nothing will ever keep me away from you.” Nothing? What if she
has stinky farts?
- I think the glowing blue sword means there are orcs nearby.
- At first Nuveena and Miette
were quite feisty and chasing each other around. Soon afterwards Miette was
excitedly chasing the laser pointer. This movie did not stand a
chance of being more entertaining than my cats.
- For this movie Tom
Hardy decided to adopt another silly voice, as is his wont. It's OK,
though, because he acts the hell out of that silly voice. This time I
think he was going for “Asthmatic John Turturro after being shot in
the lung.”
- Is Tom Hardy
contemplating his place in the universe, or trying to not fart in
church?
- This Christmas
present could have been wrapped a bit better. It needs a bow on
top.
- My room is
completely dark, and I can feel my cat Miette staring at me. It is
more tense than the movie.
- James is chucking
salt at the ground WHILE Tom is scraping off the ice. That is stupid.
The salt should go on first, let it sink in, then scrape off the
ice.
- I had no idea that
fluffy fluffy collars on winter jackets were so prominent in New
York. I searched google images for “New York people winter” and a
fifth of the pics were people wearing fluffy fluffy collars. I live
in New England, and I don't recall ever seeing a fluffy fluffy
collar.
- I count 57 magnets
on that refrigerator, yet none of them are holding up portraits of a
distant cousin's ugly kids.
- Despite the subtle
clues, I could never figure out where this movie takes
place.
- I appreciate the
politeness of washing the blood off the money. I wish everyone were
that considerate.
- Is there a way to
get the statistics on how many body parts are in the Brooklyn River
at any given time? Maybe that was on the last U.S. Census?
- My cat Nuveena was sleeping the entire time I watched this movie, but my other cat, Miette, stared at me in the dark for quite some time. I will say this movie was at least as entertaining as being stared at by Miette.
